Noffer – LOTRO Players

[CJ] Noffer 4 – Going South

After the Special honey rolls wore out and crashing on the closest hay stack Noffer woke him up. “Not all your rambles were a fever dream”, he said. That turtle you saw that was talking to the goblins? He’s here, he was just watching the watchers that have been watching you ever since you arrived in the Vales.

The hobbits have been gone for years. Sharkey is a problem, but only a recent one, said Chompy. As Noffer tried to interrupt him Radagast showed up.

No need to worry about the Vales. I’ve a band of mercenaries working as we speak. They managed to fell dragons up north. They’ll dispatch some goblins and orcs with ease. There are more forces at work in Middle-Earth then just critters. I’ve left instructions with Chompy he’ll fill you both in on your way.

As Noffer made it’s way south he’s crosses his hometown of Arheim. He didn’t have the heart to tell that the Authentic Noffers had long been outsourced to other pigs. It was better to let him sheepishly believe it was still his daily duty. Truth been told, he had a hard time finding truffles unless they were so close they blocked his nostrils.

Nothing to see here! Nothing special going on as Chompy pulled the wool over the villagers eyes as he did with the sheep. Surely a turtle, pig and hobbit isn’t the weirdest thing you’ve seen here. 13 dwarves, beornings and chicken looking for mountains are more of a reason to be suspicious then us.

As the brown leaves turn into the golden flow of Lothlorien the party made it’s way to Cerin Amroth to set up camp. We havn’t seen any orcs since we left Blomgard, said Noffer. They have been dispatched by some big shots elf that are on their way to a wedding i’ve been told. Even that cranky lady is off to somewhere so don’t worry about the tales of whisper in the forest that will put you under her spell. What whispers? Oh don’t worry then. No worry, then why did you feel it was worth mentioning Chompy? Nothing, just keep walking. Chomp! i’m not a hare we can stop and talk about these whispers!

Your short legs? Your legs are thrice the length of mine said Noffer. You still got us beat in length. Chompy how far is it?

Don’t worry we just have to use the front door. Elfs are very meticulous about anyone using their backdoor. It’s just around the corner.

Bert jr. Bartleby is that really you and Rattlepack? You used to play with me in the mudpits back in the Shire. What are you doing here?

They won’t let you in either Bert? Don’t worry we’ve been send by Radagast to use the witchqueens mirror. Let me give them this token. I’m sure you’d be as hungry as a boar after that journey. I’ll ask if they got some lembas for you both.

What a little wizardry can’t do for you. No hobbit ever thought he’d see the elfs. And now we’re in their capital. But that’s one giant birdbath. An eagle could fit in there.

After a brief introductionary video the three little musketeers were each given a brief glimpse into the rifts of time. An ominous voice whispers “things that were… things that are… and some things… ” as Chompy begins to back down Noffer shouts, Rattlepack shut up! Chompy fades in and out

Goblins came out of the Misty Mountains. A monstrous rumbling echoed in the caverns below them. A fight between mountain giants and turtles shook the very ground that surrounded them.

He’d heard of the Western Turtle march, but he never seen anything to proof it ever existed. Enormous critters larger then even the fictional Filikul or dragons larger then cities used to roam Middle-Earth. They now knew what drove the hobbits out of the Vales. It weren’t the pigs as the Shirefolk thought. A trove of goblins that fled the Misty Mountains and never dared to return to their ancestral homes.

Shortly after these revelations Chompy decided he had to delve deeper he left Lothlorien westwards towards the Mirrormeres leaving the others behind. Noffer decided to return to the Vales with the Bert, Rattlepack and the hobbit for now following the trail of Bingo Boffin. Hoping once again to see the Shire in it’s full green glory.

[CJ-N3] Never ate your biscuits. It affects your judgment

If you got the chance. Try to find some Honey rolls. The special kind if you know what i mean. Don’t wait for it. I need that legendary recipe.

“A taste of the special honey rolls, is that your offer i can’t refuse?” I can just ask the beornings for that. They really softened up to foreigners since those dwarves saved their lands. Must have been that new conditioner that Thranduil allows to be traded to them.

Closed for wedding purposes? Fine, i’ll visit my distant relatives then in Tun Melen.

Beorns house was guarded at every corner. Goblins and orcs are back from the Misty mountains is what they said. But clearly it was just the elves not wanting to share their rolls with a scruvvy hobbit.

Atleast some Beornings were more helpfull. Odd, but assistive. A bear that only likes vegetables but also beer? “Your relatives don’t live here anymore they have long left the Vales little hobbit”. Everyone has been on edge. Even the wildlife is keeping an eye out on the goblins. Sauron may be gone, but something is afoot.

What happened? This entire place has been abandoned for so long that even the biscuits look hairy. What’s the root cause here?

Hungry as he had ventured for hours on an empty stomach after the Elfs ruined his dinner with Beorn. “Surely honey doesn’t spoil and i can just brush of the dust. It beats a soggy rubber biscuit”, he thought. The second he took a nibble of them he started to bounce of the walls. I can’t go hungry again!

Are you my mummy? Oh evil spirit where are you taking me? Visions of an old white robed figure, half-orcs in green fields. What’s happening?

As he slowly wandered the fields of the Gladden he was picked up by the most unlikely creature. A little turtle dragged him back to the shore. Flailing his arms and legs, Chompy scurried back into the Gladden as the pigs showed up.

Noffer is that you? You look great! Have you been working out?

“Grab the lemba, York. He’s delirious”. We’ll need to keep him in the pigpen for now. He’s a danger to himself. Never use a bad honey roll. They are stronger then your best pipeweed.

Just stay here for now. We need to have a talk when you sober up.

Now that the cat was out of the bag. Both of them have questions that need answers. What happened to the Tun Melen, who’s Sharkey and why was he really here? Hobbits and pigs will need to start trusting each other again.

[CJ-N1] Boars, no love for pigs

Years of being called pig by the man of Bree hasn’t made Noffer anymore of a lover of the hobbits. “It’s the hobbits that always make the mess”, not us! After a few run-ins with the bounders at the storage silos it was time for him to find greener pastures.

Don’t be such a boar. I’ll arrange for some better grass. We’ll turn that frown upside down. ” And have a nice little turn(ip) over for ourselves”, he thought.

Noffer had made it’s way east. Eventually making it across the Misty Mountains he found the Beorning lands very suitable to his kind of enterprise. Even the folk there seem be more wilder then the elfs and ruffians of Bree.

Noffer took some pigs under it’s wing. And what some never expected to happen came to fruition. The pigs of Rhovanion started to soar. Carving out a little market for themselves. During the harsh years of the war of the ring they opened their mud pits for all that needed them.

Trouble was brewing in the Shire. Food was getting scarce while the seasons were good. Dean wasn’t sure he could trust the postal service or the pigs. Bound to get stucked.

Dean wasn’t the only one busy with a letter. Visitors from the distant Anduin had arrived in Michel Delving.

Just repeat what you said to bounder Primstone. Honesty is always the best solution.

The cooking guild wasn’t ready to share their piece of the cake anymore. Old arrangements seem to be collapsing like a bad souffle.