The Wold Wide Foundation and the Fangorn Safety committee are working together to save the Critters of Middle-earth.
Norbog news, semi-investigative journalism. We dig deep so you don’t have to.
Elfs stepping down as the Middle-earth preservers
As chairman of the Eriador department of the Middle-Earth animal live preservation, Elrond announced that the Elves would be stepping down from their role as the main contributors to the organisation. “The elves have done their part in keeping all critters safe” and “with the upcoming departure of more elves towards the west we’ll be logistically challenged to fulfill our role to the level we’ve set for ourself”. With the upcoming expansion of the Mirkwood department and the influx in Mordor critters its just a step we need to take. As released ironically on a leather press release.
The not so secret council
To facilitate the transition Elrond and Galadriel have invited animal rights, Orc enthusiasts and all other races to step up. Several organisations have announced new initiatives in their own regions. But more spots are available on the next ME council for critters. Even dwarves or recounted Easterlings are welcome.
Shire overrun by Boglurkers
An unknown nest of bog lurker has been discovered in the Shire near Hobbiton. The opening of the Haunted Burrow carnival has stirred this nest and set the critters running across Middle-earth The Wold wildlife foundation has announced plans to humanely capture these bog lurker and use them for a breeding programme in their original habitat near Agamaur. Radagast,” the red swamp has been nearly wiped out of bog lurkers when Ivar invaded. But with these newly discovered pairs we can start a hopefully succesful breeding programme”. When asked for a comment about accusations that these would be used for new mounts after the losses at Pelenor fields, No comments can be given at this time due to previous PR-karfunkles (editorial – The research into wargoats)
Saurons reptile programme discovered
After opening the treasure rooms of Barad-dur that were brimming with lootboxes. The allegiance fellowships quickly found out that these were actually stasis pods for Saurons secret reptile programme. A large number of unhatched eggs was discovered in these lootboxes. These eggs contained a number of snakes donated by Saruman of many colours, Saurons own army of hatchlings and naked mole rats. For now Mordor can support its habitat, but if other fortresses like Nargaroth or Morgath has these treasure rooms we’d be in trouble. Gandalf from “Love your ME” stated that he won’t stand for his reaction if these beautiful mole rats would be turned into Ashes.
Fangorn safety committee to oversee wood preservation
The FSC will take over the preservation of Fangorn, Lothlorien outskirts and the Old forest from the elves. The Ents themself are too slow to respond to the rapid deforestation east of the Misty Mountains. The quantity of wood and planks required to rebuild Gondor and Rohan is taking its toll. We’ve to make sure that no Ents are harmed by woodworkers or vice versa. But we also need to plant new forests to make a sustainable future for all trees, alive or not.
Increase in spider near Cirith Ungol
An unknown resurgence of infested spiders has been spotted near Cirith Ungol. It’s currently not known where they come from. But the increase of hostile spiders is worrisome. Rumours have been heard that Shelob is still alive in contrary to Samwise Gamgee saying he single-handedly killed the creature. Scouting parties have been sent out to find the source, but results may take several months to come back. It’s a right-cobwebbed infested place. We’ve trouble making our way to the deeper parts of the tower and its subterranean caverns
Standing stone games won’t extend festival items
After what looked like a bad photoshop image appeared in the 21.2.3 patch files SSG issued a suprise statement regarding said image. We certainly thought it was just a bad photoshop by an intern. But where is smokes, there is fire it seems. Unless its Mordor lava.
In our effort to prevent any further mishaps with regard to current of future releases. We’ve taken an extended time to work on patchnotes, raids and Executive producer letters. And on fans request we’ve extended the current festival schedules. unfortunately our transferred intern (editorial – The one that worked on the mordor press release) mistook this that we would extend the festival items. We’ve no plans to extend boglurker pets to loremaster sizes, extend the legs on housing furniture to make them available to elfs or any other kind of extensions.
Are we getting hair extensions for barbers in Update 22? We’ll keep you informed.
*Obligatory, trademarks belong their respective organisations. Who knows they might play lotro.
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Squirle, this was too much fun to read! My sides hurt from laughing so hard!