LOTRO Players News Episode 76: Skirmish Tortillas

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Merryrose sent in an origin story:

“Hello LPN!

Here is an utterly ridiculous origin story based loosely on the Unexpected Party. It’s been percolating since Thanksgiving but is now in time for Christmas.

Please feel free to ad lib or even revise to your characters hearts content.

Love your podcast!

Merryrose

Ethelros awakens in a dark place. He wonders where he is & how he got there. It looked like a cave but wasn’t drafty, dank or smelly at all. It reminded him of his pantry – only with the light turned out. He sat up & started to feel his way about when he heard singing.

Lizzyrose: “La la la lahh, Lilikate is gonna crash, Lilikate is gonna crash.”

Lilikate: “Ooph! Yes, mummy did crash but I can’t see what I crashed into.”

Ethelrose: “Well, it wasn’t me.”

Lilikate: “Oh hello, Ethelrose. Can you tell me where we are? I was summoned here & Lizzyrose followed me.”

Ethelrose: “I’m not sure myself. I awakened a little while ago but do not remember how I got here.”

Rustling sound is heard when a muffled voice says, “Umph, drat this cloak!”

Lilikate: “That sounds like Draculetta. Is that you, Drac?”

Draculetta: “Yes, it’s me. Now if only I can find the fastening to this cloak.”

[ripping sound] Draculetta becomes visible & tosses the shredded cloak to the corner. “Meh. I’ll make another one later.”

Ethelrose: “How come we couldn’t see you, Draculetta? You gave us a scare.”

Draculetta: “I discovered how to make an invisible cloak. But this one got all tangled up & nearly tripped me. I will make a smaller version next time. No need to break my neck with such dramatic flair again.”

Lilikate: “So why are we here?”

Lizzyrose: “I’m hungry. Do you have anything to eat?”

Draculetta:”Pineleaf, Branick, Andang, & I discussed how nice it would be if we all got together to enjoy a stress-free, die-free, celebratory get together. Pineleaf suggested a potluck at his house – which is where you all are. So I helped summon the gang. But the lights seem to have all gone out.”

In walks Mysteri:”Hi everyone! I found Braxwolf like you asked me to. He’s bringing extra tables, chairs, & eating utinsels. He’ll be here shortly.”

Lilikate:”A potluck! How fortunate. I just came from fishing in Celondim. I can cook them over the chimney fire.”

Mysteri:”Why is it so dark in here?”

Ethelros:”Don’t know. Just learned we’re at Pineleaf’s place.”

Mysteri:”Oh hi, Ethelros. Wait, I can fix this.” [summon pet sound effect] “There, SparkleSparkle will keep the room illuminated.”

Ethelros:”Why’d you name your healing pet SparkleSparkle? No, wait. On 2nd thought I don’t want to know.”

Enter Andang & Braxwolf carrying a table in followed closely by Branick with a good supply of Old Withywindle.

Braxwolf:”Branick, could you place that brew over in the corner there 1st? Good! Andang, if you could bring in the rest of the benches from outside, I think everthing is ready. Where’s Pineleaf by the way?”

Pineleaf:”Down here, right behind you. Sorry everyone for being late.”

Branick:”What held you up?”

Pineleaf:”Kaleigh Starshine found some stolen property. She is scouting out the culprits now & cannot continue to carry these delicate consumables. She gave them to me with the condition a donation would be given to the Cook’s Guild as compensation.”

Andang:”Is that…?!?”

Pineleaf:”Yes, it’s pie.”

Enter Cithryth:”Hi everyone! I’ve brought honey cakes. Where should I put them?”

Pineleaf:”On the 2nd table on your right. Right next to the pies…Something is missing. Does anyone want to give a blessing before we eat?”

Lizzyrose:”Me please! I know a blessing!”

Lilikate:”Go ahead dear.”

Lizzyrose:”Bless the biscuits, praise the hen, throw back your ears & shovel it in!”

[Insert Pineleaf laugh]

After everyone loads up a plate of food & sits at the large table, Pineleaf asks “Andang, is there any recent news to hear?”

Andang:”No news at all. But I did enjoy watching your Beorning series episode where you demonstrated Pineclaw can walk faster than Sara Oakheart.”

Pineleaf:”Yes, Sara is tedious. Hard not to get bored in that instance. Braxwolf, I hear you have been busy lately?”

Braxwolf:”Yes, that is correct. Alongside the family furniture & fittings business, we have branched into the rental business. So now we provide tables, chairs, benches & the like for moots. It’a booming business. We have opened up office locations in Thorin’s Hall, Celondim, Michel Delving, & Bree. Just look for the Braxwood logo.”

Pineleaf:”I take it business has been good?”

Braxwolf:”Too good. If you know anyone who needs work, send them my way. We are booked solid for the next 6 months & need all the hands we can get.”

Pineleaf:”Ethelrose, anything exciting happen this week?”

Ethelros:”Nothing exciting. I am petsitting for my neighbor. I’m thinking it is not an advantage being a Loremaster since people think you will always care for creatures.”

Branick:”I take it the pet is a challenge?”

Ethelros:”It’s psychotic – of the feline variety.”

Cithryth:”Ooohhhh, I’m going to growl…”

Pineleaf:”Moving right along. So Cithryth, have you done any new cosmetic outfits recently?”

Cithryth:”No, but I am liking the new hat Lilikate is wearing. Where did you find it, Lilikate?”

Ethelros:”It’s a battered, flappy hat. What is there to like?”

Turning into bear form Cithryth:”ROAR! Wait – what did you just do Mysteri? I’m a STEEL BLUE BEAR!”

Mysteri:”Well, Ethelros seems more depressed than usual so I activated a hope token. That must have turned you blue.”

Draculetta:”You don’t need hope tokens in safe places such as this. Why’d you waste one?”

Mysteri:”I used one because I have 233 of them & they are taking up space in my bags. RNG keeps giving them to me every day for the past month.”

Draculetta:”(Sigh) I knew RNG hated me. I thought it was only because he is a naughty goblin.”

Mysteri:”What goblin? Really Nice Guy dressed up as Father Christmas keeps stalking me. When I see him again I’ll ask for lootboxes instead. I’ll give them

to you.”

Draculetta:”What good will that do? RNG just does not like me.”

Mysteri:”But he likes ME. So he’ll give me something good (like a skeleton horse) which I can forward to you.”

Andang:”And I thought Pineleaf excelled at logic.”

Pineleaf:”Lilikate, I heard you went on an adventure this week?”

Lilikate:”Yes, I just came from Erid Luin posting a report on all the creatures near Celondim.”

Branick:”Sorry, I thought you were on a different adventure. Something to do with a mountain?”

Lilikate:”Well, yeeesss. It didn’t turn out the way I thought it would.”

Cithryth:”What happened?”

Lilikate:”I wanted to be a beorning. Pineleaf confirmed it could happen & gave me instructions.”

Cithryth:”So what happened?!?”

Lilikate:”This is embarassing. I did turn into a bear – only it was a teddy bear. So to console myself, I went shopping in Lalia’s Market. I found a hat that

reminded me of Paddington the bear. That is the hat I’m now wearing. But I have a question for you, Draculetta. How did you get an invisible cloak?”

Draculetta:”Pineleaf & I were doing spicy battles & came across a giant toad which had a chemical substance that made things blend into the landscape. I

collected that substance & took it home for experimentation. The cloak was the result. I’m still working on it to make my weapons invisible.”

Branick:”What are spicy battles? Don’t you mean epic battles? Or do you mean skirmishes?”

Draculetta:”No, not skirmishes, although we did do Skirmish Tortillas. The spicy battles compliment the Skirmish Tortillas but they are kinda like a cross

between the skirmishes & battles. There is an epicness to the fight, but there is an ending to them. And they have only giant creatures in them, no orcs,

brigands or the like.”

Branick:”Is this true, Pineleaf? This blows my mind!”

Pineleaf:”Yes, it’s true. How do you think we had enough food for all of us today?”

At this point Ethelros suspects this was all a dream. He concentrates hard on his surroundings to find that he really is in his pantry back home in real

life. He is flat on his back staring up at glowing eyes attached to a cheshire grin.

“Usless cat” he said.”

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Andang @PvMP_Andang

Braxwolf @Braxwolf

Cithryth @Cithryth

Draculetta @Draculetta_72

Ethelros @Ethelros

Lilikate @LilikateBuggins

Mysteri @Mysterixox

Pineleaf @PineleafNeedles

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2 comments

Barnabras / December 15, 2014

Nice origin story. I like the fact that even though they are having a potluck, they still speak as if they were doing a podcast. I didn’t realize that “Branick” was in the story until I read the show notes. Andang should have used his famous Bombadil voice to distinguish between the two. That lead me to another thought, a Andang-adil origin story….

timhedden / December 15, 2014

They are Cuthraul in the Gravenwood of Dunland. In this journey, I use whatever is in the area. If it’s not there, I won’t use it hence the lights, cuthraul, and orcs. Hope that answers your question. Plus I use all my own screenies.

LOTRO Players News Episode 76: Skirmish Tortillas

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