An Irreverent LOTRO-Player Psychological Profile

The credit for this goes to some kinnies and a person on the LOTRO Forums named Colred and they found it on the LOTRO Forums and wanted to save it. This is extraordinarily tongue-in-cheek and I laughed really hard when I read it and wanted to share it. It is a few years old but it is still relevant and very accurate. Hope you enjoy!

 

The Guardian: The backbone of any good Fellowship is its Tank. Enter the Guardian. Father-figure or Mother-hen, the Guardian player watches out for his Fellowship. He’s the responsible type who doesn’t mind a little bit of hero-worship.

“Don’t worry, I got yer back. Just do your job right and I’ll keep you safe. Why do you think I carry all this metal, because it’s so shiny? This stuff is heavy…I mean…no worries, I’m tough.”

The Guard is his healer’s BFF. He pals around with Captains, finds Burgs amusing, is confused by Lore Masters (um…what’s the bear do again?), is contemptuous of (most) Wardens (some are almost Tanks), ignores the existence of Champions whenever possible, and Hunters…well, don’t say I said so, but I heard the Guard’s unofficial motto is: “Psst…healer…if the Hunter pulls aggro again…*looks around*…let him die.”

***

The Minstrel: If the Tank is a Fellowship’s backbone, the Healer is its…um…carapace. Enter the Minstrel. Minstrel players love helping out. In addition to healing your sorry butt, your Minstrel will probably provide you with food, tokens, scrolls, potions, gear, and a couch to crash on next time you’re in town. Go ahead, just ask and see.

“I’m really sorry you aggro’d sevemteephunnerd mobs and I couldn’t keep you alive and now you have to wait 3 seconds while I raise you from the dead instead of releasing and running back here with all that nasty dread. I know it’s such a bother…I’m a bad friend. Please forgive me? I’ll give you a cooky!”

Minnies are rarely seen without a big-hulking-metal-covered bodyGuard. They think they like Wardens, but find them confusing at times (wait, you DON’T want me to heal you…? um…why?!?). Captains are useful fellows with nice manners. Rune Keepers are like that cool cousin you have with the tattoos and the motorcycle – like, you know you’re related, but he seems so exciting and dangerous! LMs are awful sweet, mezzing baddies and providing power. Burgs make those pretty FMs appear. Champs are a two-sided coin – they pick up the Minnie’s aggro (yay!), but then they pick up everyone’s aggro (boo!). Hunters, well, in response to the Guardian above, Minstrels often just say: “Yep.”

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The Burglar: Your Fellowship’s “Silent” partner. Burg players enjoy doing things other players can’t: sneaking, generating FMs at will, telling riddles. They have a propensity to stab first and ask questions later…except they don’t ask questions later. Talk to a Burglar player long enough, and you’ll wonder why the devs bothered making other classes in the first place.

“Did the whole group just die? Um…why didn’t you just hide (in plain sight)? I mean, duh! I’m gonna sneak over *here*…/tell me when you’re not dead.”

Burgs don’t really like other classes. They don’t really dislike them either. Anyone with aggro is okay – as long as they keep the mobs looking the *other* way, and don’t tell the Burg what to do. *Stab*

***

The Captain: This guy’s The Man. No, seriously. That’s what it says in the Class description! Captain players are generally helpful sorts who like the flexibility of a versatile class. Heal some and buff some and kill every day some!

“Champ’s coming up….Minstrel’s coming up…Popping Oathbreakers…Last Stand, In Harm’s Way FTW…I’m the Man!” Stellar conversationalists, Captains are not.

Everyone likes Captains. Unfortunately, Captains know that everyone likes them, giving them an inflated sense of their own importance. Because we like them, we don’t tell them that their popularity has nothing to do with the fact they don’t actually have a real…um…job. They have pretty armor though!

***

The Champion: The Champion player can be summed up in two words: Shing-Shing! He/she likes to dish serious pain and watch those pretty numbers streaming up from the enemies’ heads. Impulsive, impatient, and maybe a little dim, Champion players have more guts than sense, but they’ll stick by their Fellowship through the thick and the thin (they prefer the thick).

“Ooh there’s a mob! Can-I-kill-it-can-I-kill-it-PLEASE?!?! Oooh, it’s got 1,923 friends! Can-I-kill-them-please-please-please-SHING-SHING!!!!”

Champs like other Champs. Healers are also very nice and Cappies give yummy crit buffs. The other classes are just people to pal around with until more Champs show up.

***

The Lore-Master: The Copper-Top. Lore Master players are thinkers, adaptable types who like to discover new ways to problem solve, but also enjoy good teamwork. Excellent complementary players who enjoy seeing their conspicuous influence on a battlefield, but have a slightly disturbing love of odd-looking animals.

“Hey guys, check out my new pet! It’s a polka-dotted, gumball shooting, short-haired, snaggle-toothed Huffleumpapotamus! He gives us a Stickiness buff!”

Like Captains, Lore Masters get along with everyone because everyone likes them. Even Burgs respect the LM’s ability to mez stuff. Wardens have been known to stalk Lore Masters, though smart Lore Masters suspect this has less to do with their own Hawtness and more to do with their Power distribution skills.

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The Rune-Keeper: Your Rune Keeper friend will happily save your butt…or kick it…your choice. Rune Keeper players truly enjoy the choice of playing a support role or going out and dropping BOMBS. Social players who are a welcome addition to any group, RK players often have tattoos and ride motorcycles.

Group leader: We need heals.
Rune Keeper: I got heals.
Group leader: Okay, cool. I guess we should get some dps.
Rune Keeper: I got dps.
Group leader: Um…okay. Well, we could probably use a rez.
Rune Keeper: I got your rez.
Group leader: Great! Well, now we just need a ride to the instance!
Rune Keeper: I got a Harley.

Rune-Keepers are the Kings of Spar, but don’t worry, they’ll heal you up after they beat you down. Healing Rune Keepers are quite nice people who like everyone and have a particular affection for tanky-types. DPS Rune Keepers are roughneck types who disdain the damage Hunters and Champs think they can do and generally ignore everyone else. Problem is, those 2 RK types are often the same person. Just saying, keep the Lithium handy.

***

The Hunter: aka your Fellowship’s Ego. Hunter players like BIG NUMBER dps. Hunter players find soloing less frustrating than grouping, but like grouping because then other people can see just how NASTY they are. Hunter players probably have a Champ alt somewhere.

“DPS enough, who needs a Tank? Heck, DPS enough and who needs heals!?!? Get some more Hunters in here!”

Hunters don’t really like anyone except other Hunters and Captains, and if they could find a Captain to give them a crit buff then leave group for another Hunter, that would be Hunter Nirvana! Most classes don’t mind that Hunters regard them with contempt, as the feeling is usually mutual. Tanks and Healers are babies who whine about aggro. Outwardly, Hunters claim a good Tank should be able to hold aggro no matter what. Inwardly, Hunters secretly experience a little thrill every time they successfully pull aggro from the tank (gimmegimmegimmegimmegimme…s ee!?!? Awesome drips off me like Gatorade-colored UBER!).

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The Warden: Your Fellowship’s Enigmatic All-Star. Warden players are complex, introspective, helpful, loyal, witty, charming, irresistibly magnetic proprietors of unmatched excellence wrapped in a sexy candy coating. You’ll know one when you meet one. You’re unlikely to be the same ever after.

“I’m a Warden. I AM a small fellowship.” – actual quote from GLFF.

“I’m a Warden. The only thing that can kill me is the Hunter in my Fellowship.” – actual quote from Colred.

Wardens like everyone…except Hunters. Guards get their grudging respect, though the rivalry is unlikely to die any time soon. Wardens look at Champs kind of like younger siblings who are in that awkward stage – wildly fun and energetic but likely to bump into stuff and cause a mess. Healer types are very nice, but a Warden’s secret passion lies in the deep, sweet power pools of a Lore Master’s smoky, power-vamping gaze :drool:…ahem….sorry about that. But as powerful as the draw of Fellowship can be, a Warden’s true calling is to roam the wild fringes alone and unaided, placing himself between danger and the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth, his heroics unheralded, his deeds unsung, his hair spiky and perfect.