Super Unofficial LOTRO Update 41.15 Patch Notes

Please note: The following post was an April Fool’s joke and is not real.

 

*Of Special Note*

Epic Battle: Halt the Hobbits

Some lands have had their greatest keeps threatened by the will of Saruman, while others have had their coastal cities invaded by the men from the southern lands. There is no threat too small that could bring potential terror and waste upon the lands of Middle Earth…especially when that threat could be a short-yet-firm militia of halflings in the very midst of the Shire.

The Brandybucks have had it. Too long have they been frowned upon by the other folk as being a bit more adventurous and brash, and have decided to create a zealous display upon the rest of the land by trying to claim neighbor Bree-land for their own.

The battle begins with the player standing on the border of Bree-land. Across the Brandywine lies an army of pie-intoxicated hobbits, attemping to cross the river and claim all of Middle Earth for themselves. The player will need to utilize siege weaponry and other means of ranged attacks in an attempt to knock the crazed halflings off their hairy feet, while they are crafting various floating bits and bobs to make it across the water gap. Failure to do so may result in the Brandybuck’s first stepping stone toward Middle Earth domination.

Vuvuzelas are here!

We’ve heard you! We took your pleas that the “pibgorn just wasn’t irritating enough” and so we decided to introduce the vuvuzela, an instrument void of comprehension or compassion. Any individual attempting to be rezzed by a minstrel wielding a vuvuzela will instead lay on the ground, hunch in the fetal position, and commence heaving. The use of Hope will not deter this debuff. All vuvuzeling should be done with extreme caution, though it is likely to inevitably cause a wake of destruction in its monotone path.

 

New Hobby: Pie Bowling

We already know goblin heads roll well into rabbit holes, as illustrated in the Greenfields. Why couldn’t goblin heads also roll down a dirt road and crash into an organized pile of goblin limbs? Upon taking a closer look at the history books, this is exactly what Thain Paladin Took II discovered to be the case. Several hobbits have taken it upon themselves to recreate this sport, with asssistance from Holly Hornblower’s spoiled pies. They found that balling up some of the rotten dough makes a pretty decent bowling ball, and empty pints of ale make for great pins.

You may learn the skill to bowl from Took in the Great Smials in Tuckborough, and can be played outside any Shire inn. We have also made multiplayer bowling possible, so time to get those leagues together! You’ll earn points from either keeping your game under a certain score, or scoring victories against other players. We hope to hold official round-robin tournaments during certain parts of the year…with cosmetic pets as the prizes of course!

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Class Changes

• We started by nerfing champions so far into submission, we just decided to delete the class. Sorry.
• In honor of their favorite music genre, all Rune-keepers have been granted the “/roll” emote.
• Finally acknowledging the quips thrown around about the Warden, this class is now unable to enter a fellowship with others, or possibly even its own full body. 12-man instance = entire Warden. 6-man = One leg, one arm. 3-man = left pointer fingernail.
• After a Hunter expends all of their Focus, the screen will render a short blur over the entirety of the game window. A cooldown to shorten this phase can be found in the Huntsman (blue) line.
• This may happen, or maybe it won’t. But don’t be surprised if it does! Maybe.
• Threat magnets are now a real thing! After switching to a red/DPS-specific tree, you will notice a set of magnets appear on your character. While in a group, topping the threat charts will produce an opposing polarity set of magnets on the enemy. Needless to say, not paying attention to your damage may yield in some close encounters.
• Captains may now increase their rank, gaining additional perks and respect from NPCs. However, should you turn to evil, it is possible to be slightly demoted (how do you think skirmish lieutenants got their rank?).
• We found that some Lore-masters were instead citing Wiki pages. This issue has been resolved.

 

General

• All Suppliers have been granted caffeine infusions in an attempt to speed up their reaction time when an adventurer issues a sale. Side-effects may include hyper-accidental purchase of their entire inventory, followed by long-term drowsiness.
• Upon accidentally affixing planks in a specific geometrical pattern, the Thornley Construction Company has actually completed their work in the northern Bree fields. They have outsourced the painting to a gang of hobbits who will fling various-colored spoiled pies at the structure.
• Environmental Cosmetic Dying: We know some dyes can be a pain to get all the proper materials together, plus having the proper Scholar training to mix together the reagents. With environmental dyes, the player can now simply roll through the appropriate hue found on the landscape. Roll through that patch of mud for a rich brown hauberk. Want those gloves a pasty white? Wipe them on the floor of the nearest chicken coop!
  *Potential bug: Taking a dip in Carn Dum may not yield that pea green touch you desire, and should be avoided while we work out the acidic kinks.
• Upon popular request, Farmers may now craft picnic baskets for your friendly neighborhood Beorning. They will automatically be removed from the Farmer’s inventory upon creation, and appear in the nearest skin-changer’s stash.
• All NPCs will now speak to Beornings in bear puns. Only bear puns. Prepare those Kodak moments.

 

New to LOTRO Store

• XP Reverter: So you’ve hit 100, still have all these quests in your log, and aren’t much of an end-game instance player. What shall you do beside winging through a bunch of Epic Battles or sloughing out those Dol Amoth dailies? Enter the XP Reverter, which is worn in the pocket slot, and allows you to begin the journey from 100 back to level 1! Reverse that journey you took; starting from Gondor, travelling through the lands of Rhovanion, mining your way around Khazad-Dum, and finally making your way to the familiar lands of Eriador. Wearing this item will grant the player negative experience in quest completion. Should the user decide to unequip this item, experience will once again flow in the positive direction.
• New steeds available in the LOTRO store:
  • Coin-operated horsie ride (extremely immobile and costs a bit of copper per ride, but at least it plays a nice jingle!)
  • Hobby fell-beasts (broomstick with fell-beast head – for all those aspiring Witch-Kings and Witch-Queens out there!)

 

Lua Changes

• We have released the coding for the Mithril Coin, allowing modders the ability to create plugins/skins that implements new usages for the Mithril Coin. Wanna mount up on your steed? Be ready to cough up a coin. Maybe you’d like to Elrond actually move and do a little jig? He could be swayed with some mithril compensation.