The Fellowship Tribune: Spring Festival Special Issue

While the dwarves belch comfortably in the dark caverns of Moria, we at the Fellowship Tribune are risking a nasty bout of allergies to find you the latest scoop from the ongoing spring festivities held in Eriador. Our field reporters have made several discoveries – we now take you over to an ongoing investigation in the northeastern fields of the Shire.

Stolen Shire Fences Discovered in Brockenborings

On the eve of Highday, several hobbit folk of Hobbiton reported hearing a sawing sound coming from their yards. It was quickly dismissed merely as several hobbit youths, who had a bit too much to drink that day, and had taken to an outdoor slumber. Those reports took a sharp turn when the homeowners awoke the next morning, only to find several pieces of their fence, missing from its place.

Shirriff Robin Smallburrow was summoned to spearhead the operation. He took stories from several affected, and began to question several of the village’s most troublesome youths. However, Smallburrow became sidetracked when local pie legend Holly Hornblower put out several of her mushroom pies to cool down, and the investigation took a screeching halt.

Several days layer, there was a breakthrough in the case. On a Trewsday morning, the folks in nearby Brockenbornings awoke to discover the stolen fences littered on their field. Furthermore, several inebriated individuals were witnessed balancing upon the evidence, making their way from one platform to the other across the field.

“The drunks were carrying large mugs of Bullroarer’s Brew,” local Tom Hillbarrel said. “You could tell they were trying really hard to make it across without falling, but they had green bubbles coming out [their mouths].”

This sport, colloquially known as “drunken fence walking” to the locals, has been kept allowable until the local agencies can figure out what to do with the segments of fence. It has been split into three different courses, all starting and finishing at the two same platforms.

“They’re not really hurting anybody,” Bounder Primstone spoke. “Those affected with the loss of fencing will be reimbursed, and we will continue to let folk give a try at balancing on the fence course. It’s really quite fun, and a great way to get folks visiting our town of Brockenborings.”

 

Overnight Disturbance in Bree Hedge Maze

Meanwhile, another mystery has arisen over in the land of Bree. The great Hedge Maze, up in the northern Bree-fields by the Party Grounds, has gone through a dramatic alteration. Local authorities are puzzled at exactly why someone would do something like this, but think it must be the work of local brigands.

“We found several footprints that seem to lead from the direction of Brigand’s Watch,” Officer Ralph Thornwell said. “They’re definitely the type that always gets a thrill at doing stuff just like this.”

The Hedge Maze is maintained by the Festival Groundskeeper Society (FesGroS), who preserve this marvel of man in preparation for its yearly opening. At that time, the public is allowed in to take a shot at making it through the twisted turns and dead-ends, and find the exit. While FesGros does not change the layout, they do keep the hedges neat, as well as placing several misleading signs and other distractions to throw folks off track.

However, the scene was different this year. Bill Leafbloom, head of FesGroS, explains to the Tribune:

“The other groundskeepers and myself always take a final walk through the maze just before it opens to the public. We are very thorough, making sure each pathway is ready for presentation. The correct pathway also needs to be triple-checked, to make sure we know the exact route in the event that a haplessly lost individual needs assistance.”

“However, this day was different. As we started to make our way through the maze, we noticed shrubbery in places that definitely shouldn’t be there. Signs and benches were strewn about, and it took us four hours to finally make our way to the exit. Something is very wrong here.”

Pressured by Mayor Graeme Tenderlarch, Leafbloom was forced to go ahead and open the maze to the public in its altered layout. Folks who were so used to the route were suddenly thrown for a loop. While some quickly became frustrated, others found it to be a refreshing change.

“I come here every year for the spring festivities in Bree,” Tuki, of Thorin’s Hall, explained,” and I loved that they decided to revitalize the joy of exploration that had been lost over the past few years.”

Though the investigation continues, reports from local authorities are dwindling. It is believed the case may be dropped, and FesGroS will just have to make do with the maze’s alteration.

 

Animal Control Inundated with Shrew Reports

Shrews are a very common species, found in many regions all around Middle Earth (especially the Shire). They can be a bit of a nuisance, especially when they build their nest areas in close proximity to people. There’s nothing worse than going to the cellar for some more mead, only to find a colony of these pests gnawing on your winter’s supply of cabbage.

The animal control agencies in several of the western and central regions of Eriador are currently seeing a spike in the number of reports placed by folks, complaining about swarms of shrews suddenly appearing about. Experts are unsure whether the pleasant spring weather is triggering an early mating season, or if there is some other underlying factor which is drawing these critters out and about.

“They’ve eaten my entire field of taters,” and annoyed hobbit spoke,”and they just keep going on to the next field, and next field.”

Even the elves of Ered Luin are seeing the plight of the shrews. The local settlement of Duillond, located in Falthlorn, a southeastern part of the region, is a hotspot for the vermin. The village’s Festival Garden, a famous landmark known for its elaborate flower displays and party events, is quickly being overrun by shrews.

“It started with just a couple,” florist Logethuil spoke. “They’d nibble at our blooms, and it was easy enough to keep them at bay with brooms and several cats. But their numbers just grew and grew, doubling every day it seemed. Our defenses were soon thwarted by their increasingly zealous nature.”

There are reports that a large shrew, possibly the matron of the litter, occasionally appears in the garden, but the only evidence to support this claim are several ground tremors. Some locals have taken a liking to claiming a shrew for their own. Authorities are warning folks against taking one as a pet, citing the property damage they can cause. Meanwhile, experts are working hard to come up with a solution that will lessen the shrew population, without negatively impacting the nearby villages.

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The Fellowship Tribune is a free publication, produced by the Free 
Journalists of Eriador *** All rights reserved