Dear Sig

From Lilikate:

Dear Sig,

If Hobbits have such hairy heads, feet and toes, why not on their faces?

There are a couple theories regarding this. I’m glad I am the one you asked because if you go and consult the usual sources, Elrond would tell you nothing other than how he felt betrayed when Isildur stole his shoelaces so he could hang the One Ring around his neck. (Seriously, has Lord Elrond ever said anything worth listening to?)

The first theory is that Hobbit hair is actually its own sentient being and it has migrated away from the face. The reasons this may have happened are unknown to me, but if this is the case, I suspect some elf-trickery may be involved. (how do you think Hobbits got those slightly pointed ears?)

The second theory is it’s all Lobelia Sackville-Bagginses fault. That shrew could scare even the most stout and resolute whiskers right off a dwarf’s face! The soft face fur of a Hobbit would not stand a chance. This particular theory is the one I believe, not only because I’ve seen Lobelia myself, but because there is record that shows somewhat bearded Hobbits live in regions far removed from the Shire.

I also have a personal suspicion that Lobelia may be in the business of whisker-theft. During an unfortunate incident occurring shortly after imbibing too much at the Ivy Bush Inn, I came face to face with Mrs. Sackville-Baggins and during the following altercation, I noticed she had a mighty five-o-clock shadow. She had accosted me with a pair of scissors and muttered something about how good my beard would feel on her face. I had to fight her off with a stick I found on the ground.

She seemed to be shaving her own, yet trying to steal mine? I am still scarred and confused by this. (I have not been back to the Shire since, and don’t plan to return until the Sheriff lock’s her up for indecency and aggravated assault )

 

 

From Jonathan

Why don’t these hobbits wear shoes! Even when working around odious substances?

It is a well known fact that Hobbits like to go with out clothes. Wearing a fine pair of knickers and a waistcoat is expected and deemed proper. It is not sociably acceptable for a Hobbit to run around in the buff (unless you’re Rosie Cotton, but we’ll get into that later.)

I believe a concession was made when it came to shoes. Who doesn’t like to feel the grass on their toes? The Hobbits with a little more sense do indeed put on a good pair of protective boots when needed – I’ve seen it myself!

 

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